Summary
I heard youre not too happy with games lately.
Its a nightmare out there!
Up is down, red is blue.
You just want the crazy train to stop.
No, Im not a consulting company.
Im not associated with one, either.
But that wont stop me.
Who cares about people losing their livelihoods when Assassin’s Creed has a black protagonist?
Ive already convinced a lot of them to do the stuff on my list.
They asked me, But arent real gamers going to be mad?
And I said, Real gamers arebad, just the way those YouTube videos seem to think people talk!
Of course, I get where youre coming from.
Those are games formenthat we played when we werelittle boys.
When you were growing up, games were foryou.
And they still should be for you!
Just you and people who you share certain, specific traits with.
You know, the traits.
Youll figure it out!
Thats who games are actually for!
Because you forced us.
What Will You Be Angry About Next?
You might be wondering what stuff you hate is making its way into games.
Thats the fun part: apparently you dont know what you hate until you see it!
You were just trying to enjoy games, right?
EAs hands are tied!
They justhaveto put things you hate in games if theyre told.
Why else wouldSuicide Squad: Kill the Justice Leagueforce Harley Quinn to have woke hair?
Yes, she did have dyed hair before, but now some of it isblue!
Wait, she also had blue hair before, too?
Youd really think that decision could only be blamed on a kid whose parents were immigrants.
Youre too busy to learn.
Youve got people to harass online.
Youve got serious concerns about the bone structure of the main character inStar Wars Outlaws.
Those hour-long rant videos arent going to just make themselves and then throw themselves into the void.
It must be exhausting for you!
Back then, we didnt have to have a characters whole identity crammed down our throats.
Mainly because a characters whole identity was a four-by-ten stack of pixels.
But now that games are more realistic, Ive got a job to do, friendo.
And that job is making sure that Lara Croft winks a little weird so shes not sexy anymore.
Its almost like she can only wink by blinking.
Youre turned off immediately.
I bet youre mad at that!
Im the one who gives you energy in the morning.
Its certainly not your family; your ex took them with the dog.
Im your fresh air.
I wake you up more than coffee.
You dont think Im serious?
You think Im joking?
Just because you dont want that!
Uh oh!Tetrisjust got pronouns!
Better get started on that grift video or Puzzle Bobble is next.
Youre too busy to learn.
Youve got people to harass online.
Sure, you could be angrier with theactualproblems in games.
You could be mad that companies tout record success whilelaying off record numbers of people.
You could be furious that employees are expected to work 24/7, often without any reward.
You could be frustrated that its hard for smaller companies to break through the white noise of game releases.
That was me, I can admit that.
And that person is going to be me.
Im personally going to add what you hate.
The game companies dont want it, but Im making them.
Im making them do woke changes so much theyre crying at their desks.
And Ive loved every second of it.
Want to test me?
All crafting games now only allow you to cook soy-based soft foods.
This Simpsons Hit ‘N’ Run-inspired open world gem has a lot to love about it.
