It shook me to finally see the inner workings of my mind laid bare.
I would never talk to anyone else that way.
But for me, in that moment, it meant everything.
Comfort characters came to mind as I meandered home.
What I only just realised, however, is how they can be reflections and aspects of the self.
I thought about how well I treated these characters, these reflections.
How much love, care, and support I would show them.
The things I deny myself daily.
Im not alone in this, and its fascinating to observe how players ultimately become attached to…themselves.
This isnt a narcissistic form of love.
And hey, if they also have a pretty face, then whos to judge?
Sometime over the past decade, I lost myself.
My ambitions, thoughts, feelings - were they truly my own?
I was playingBaldurs Gate 3that fateful Monday, and my mind turned toAstarion.
I realised my desperation to steer him from that path was my own fears projecting themselves.
Becoming the power-hungry Ascendant was Cazadors motivation, not his.
Its overwhelming when you realise that you’re in control rather than constantly living in fear.
But who came before Astarion, who paved the way to where I am now?
Futaba Sakura was an element ofPersona 5I wasnt expecting, even knowing that the series leans on Jungian philosophy.
Futaba wasnt a villain, but she had a Palace.
These traumatic memories that fueled her core belief that she was, and remains, a burden hit hard.
My boundless love forFinal Fantasy 14and fixation with Shadowbringers antagonist Emet-Selch was the next unexpected puzzle piece.
When introduced in Stormblood, he appears aloof and fits the bill for a fun, comic book-style villain.
Emet-Selch becomes a walking conundrum as our heroes learn of the Ascians true motivations and the burden he carries.
These were, to me, fairly obvious signs something was amiss - but not something universally recognisable.
Frozen in a moment in time.
Unable to change course, he welcomes his final stand against the Warrior of Light as his end.
Where do I go from here?
My past may be done, but my present, my future - theyre mine.
Next:Neil Newbon On Becoming Astarion In Baldur’s Gate 3
