Here are the racers that are most likely breaking the traffic laws in Mario Kart!
But here’s the thing.
The time when you could reasonably suggest that Mario Kart racers don’t need licenses is long gone.
8Petey Piranha
You don’t really need this explained, do you?
Petey Piranha is a plant.
There’s no way he could have a driver’s license because who would give it to him?
There might also be some insider shenanigans in play regarding the Piranha Plant item.
7The Babies
There is no universe in which it’s cool to give babies driver’s licenses.
Hilarious, maybe, but never cool.
Time to find out.
Granted, it can be kind of hard to gauge anyone’s age in these games.
Mario himself could be anywhere from his early 20s to late 40s, even by conservative estimates.
Here’s where things might get a little muddled.
But there’s more to this.
These two are essentially doppelgangers of very real characters Mario and Peach.
Mario and Peach definitely have their own licenses, and their metal/pink/gold variants are just that, variants.
That’s not to mention how they even came to be.
Mario becomes Metal Mario when putting on the Metal Cap.
Does the license go to the cap?
Frankly, the License Bureau would probably just refuse to bother figuring it out.
Now that you’ve completed Donkey Kong Country Returns HD, what’s next on your list?
But Donkey Kong would just simply not get one.
He only participates in society on his own terms.
This applies doubly tohis new design on the Switch 2.
Look at those eyes.
There’s chaos within.
It also brings into question just how he became that way.
Isn’t Dry Bowser technically no longer alive?
The real reason he wouldn’t have a license is because he’s a kid.
These Donkey Kong characters have captured our hearts.
Diddy also just wouldn’t get one if he could.
Look atDiddy Kong Racing.
He’s already an old pro at driving and hasn’t needed one yet.
He’s too savvy and cool to worry about that.
But among the various simian characters in Mario Kart,only Funky Kong would have a license.
He’s got to pick you up from the airport, after all.
It’s right there in the song from those firstSplatooncommercials.
It’s ok, though.
Inklings are crafty and quite adept at escaping hairy situations after growing up on the streets of Inkopolis.
You know full well that these kids are seasoned veterans at shaking the cops.
But it’s not like they’re not used to skirting the law.
Bowser regularly sends them off on their own to fight his arch nemesis for him.
If they’ve evaded Child Protective Services for that long, they can do the same for traffic cops.
Notably, thisdoes not apply to Bowser Jr.He’s a nepotism baby.
So he effectively has one.
We already have Animal Crossing and Zelda crossovers, after all.
